Up until yesterday, I assumed Dad knew he was dying. He's been giving me a list of who gets what, in his opinion. So, I figured he knew!
Yesterday, at one point, he said, with some frustration, "Somebody ought to tell a guy if he's dying." The hospice nurse and caregiver were there. Both looked at me. Both held their breath. And, interestingly, both breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't tell him that second.
I keep getting told to let the hospice personnel tell Dad of various decisions that might not set well with him. They said it lessens family tension in a time of crisis. That makes sense, to a point.
I told my brother yesterday that I was going to tell Dad he's dying. So, I'm going over there this morning, before hospice or visitors start descending on Dad, to tell him he's dying, and the only sadness going on is for ourselves, not for him. He's looking forward to going, and I'm going to tell him is a matter of a few days. I'm thinking he'll feel more peaceful and certainly happier! Something to look forward to! Woohoo!
I just have to do it matter-of-factly, without tears. I'm not sure I can, so I hope he understands--in fact, I think I'll tell him this--that I'm sorry for me and not for him.
4 comments:
Oh, man. I'm sorry. I wish I could be there for you. He'll probably be glad to know it, though. If he really hasn't realized it, he's got to be dreading remaining alive, at least on some level. I know he's in a lot of pain. So he'll be glad to know, I think.
*hugs* to you in the meantime.
Oh, dear me. He probably does know, on some level, that he is dying, but doesn't really want to admit it to himself.
I hope it eases his mind to know that you are sad at the idea of losing him.
I would imagine that he must know.
Why not cry? It's going to be great if you cry. But then I don't know the whole situation. I can't imagine not crying. Though when I watched my husband dying, we didn't really cry. It was a long drawn out process.
Was thinking of you today and I hope that you're okay. *hugs*
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